


I Didn't Mean to Seduce the Inquisitor, I Swear

by CathyFowl



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Darkspawn, Fade Shenanigans, Kidnapping, Minor Adoribull, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, OT3, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Sort Of, Tags Are Hard, Trans Inquisitor (Dragon Age)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22100560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CathyFowl/pseuds/CathyFowl
Summary: I just wanted to write a self-indulgent Modern Girl in Thedas fic.But now that I've been dragged into the middle of things, I might as well enjoy the ride... and maybe play matchmaker in the spirit of all Solavellan fans. If only things haven't gotten more complicated than I've ever imagined.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Original Female Character(s), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s), Solas/Female Lavellan/Original Female Character
Comments: 19
Kudos: 137
Collections: I actually know where I was going with this so there's still hope





	1. Heeeeere's Trouble

_Why is writing so hard?_

I sighed. I needed coffee. Maybe I should've relocated to the coffee shop two blocks down, but the weather was cold and grey and I didn't want to move from my cosy spot in the window seat at the corner of the wok bar. And I still had some pad thai left. (I could only eat _so_ fast when using chopsticks with my left hand and writing plotting notes with my right.)

I was trying to figure out the basics for this crazy idea I had of writing a (somewhat) realistic self-insert fic for Dragon Age. I managed to decide one thing, _one!_ , that I wanted to set the story during Inquisition. Beyond that, I kept bumping into the same problems over and over again.

For example, should I become the Inquisitor? I would've liked the convenience of being in the center of things, and it would've made a good story, but I wasn't too keen on all that responsibility, and I _liked_ my left arm.

So maybe not the Inquisitor... But definitely a Modern Girl in Thedas who knows about the games. I could not write even a fictional me who doesn't know the things I do. (Maybe I was too self-centered...) But, if I knew what was going on, I couldn't stay quiet about it for long, not even in the face of oh-so-scary Leliana. But would I tell them everything at once? Or would I try to tell as much as seemed safe? Was there any amount of information that was "safe"? Thedas was a dangerous and scary place.

Would they even believe me?

I guessed a lot depended on my race. I would've really liked to be an elf... But if I was going for realistic, I should stay with being human. Boring, but quite convenient. (Realism sucks.)

A pity, that if I was a human, the Old Wolf probably wouldn't even give me the light of day. Even if I was so darned curious about him, his travels of the Fade, his knowledge, his wisdom. His mighty fine ass.... _krhmmm_ , sorry, where was I?

So yeah... romances were a problem as well. I definitely wanted at least a bit of romance in there and my greatest weakness was Solas. (I always fall for the biggest idiots...) To be truthful, for a very short time, I entertained the idea of a fic where my OC could love and fuck her way through the Inner Circle, but I wasn't sure I could write that much pointless smut, or if I even wanted to.

Choosing a "romance option" for my fic was really hard. I had so many weaknesses. Cullen's puppy-eyes, Solas' brains, Sera just being concentrated _FUN_... And let's not forget about my self-conflict on being the biggest fan of a healthy Adoribull-ship, yet having "riding the Bull" on my imaginary bucket list.

I slumped over my notebook, defeated. I haven't managed to make a single decision, let alone start plotting out a timeline and _-gasp-_ a plot! Well, most of this self-insert would be about how I'd cope in a strange world amidst all the chaos of war... but still, I needed _some_ plot at least.

I glanced at the door when the bells chimed, announcing a couple entering the wok bar. They ended up settling on the two seats next to me, forcing me to tidy up a bit and put my bag away, under my seat. I haven't noticed that the wok bar had gotten so busy. I was too deep in thought, (mostly drooling over the image of the Iron Bull's muscles in my mind's eye), but now I caught the waitress at the cashier giving me the stinkeye for occupying precious space when I was _obviously_ done eating.

I pretended not to notice her glare and stared out the window instead. It was the middle of March and there was no spring in sight. Instead, it was really cold, leftover snow was frozen to the edges of the road, and it seemed like we lived in a permanent greyness these days with thick clouds covering the sky. I wanted to see the sun again! I wasn't even a summer person. I liked the winter. But this was no winter. This stifling greyness...

I sighed. Maybe I should try out that new yoga place sometime. Find my center or something.

I was seriously starting to debate the pros of moving to the coffee shop. I needed a good coffee and I could pick one up for my Mum as well and visit her at her office. She worked in a building halfway between the coffee shop and the wok bar and maybe taking a break would be good for my plotting as well.

But as I was staring out the window, I caught a strange sight.

Someone, with short, dark hair, purplish armor and a bigass sword and shield, was chasing down a creature that I could only describe as looking like a Hurlock. As I watched them, two more darkspawn looking creatures appeared just as the woman had cut down the first.

That was some damn fine cosplay. I didn't know there was a Con going on today? And believe me, I kept an eye out for stuff like that. But that warrior looked like the best Cassandra cosplay I've ever seen. Way more realistic than anything I found on the internet. And those darkspawn.... wow. How did they do their make up so well? Must've been prosthetics. Maybe I could ask? Or were they LARPing? Would it be rude to try to strike up a conversation once the battle seemed to have finished?

I mean, looking at the second Hurlock, that was running away, toward my window, while the Cassandra cosplayer was busy with the Genlock (and how awesome it was that they seemed to dress after the Origins' darkspawn designs), I could tell the types apart, even without wearing my glasses! It was magnificent, even trailing some kind of blackish goo or ichor or whatever it was called...

I had about half a second between spotting a cosplayer who looked liked Solas, complete with a beautifully constructed staff that _fired ice at the Genlock giving Cassandra trouble_ , and the realization that the advancing darkspawn was real and wasn't stopping. Time seemed to slow and speed up at the same time. My brain ran through thoughts at a breakneck speed while my limbs felt like they were moving through molasses.

_It's real. How can this be real? But that was a real Winter's Grasp spell. And there's a darkspawn attacking the restaurant. It'll break the window. And grab me. I need to move. Need cover from the glass. Need to move. NOW!_

So I moved. With the same motion, I both pulled my coat from my lap over my head and dove under the counter just as the darkspawn burst through the glass and made a grab for me. I swear, it missed me only by inches. The couple sitting next to me wasn't as lucky. They were both showered with glass shards and the darkspawn caught the guy and started dragging him outside. His girlfriend screamed. People panicked.

_Get up. You'll get trampled if you don't get up right the fuck now. Getupgetupgetup!_

Thank you brain for clinging to reason where there was none left.

I managed to scramble to my feet before the fleeing crowd ran me over. I had been seated near the only exit, the front door, and was swept right outside, trailing a tinkling path of glass shards and still, unbelievably, holding onto my coat.

I fought my way free of the crowd when we were outside and they all fled from the fight. I turned back to check if the unfortunate guy was okay, but I couldn't spot him. Instead, I heard the quite unmistakable roar of an Ogre. I froze as it geared up for a charge. There was no way I was going to be able to outrun that thing. Not even with pure adrenaline coursing through my veins.

So I did the only rational thing I could think of: I turned toward Solas, let go of my last doubt that all this was just a hallucination or a very weird dream, and ran toward him shouting in Elvhen and English: "Solas, help! Please! _Ma Halani!_ "

Either his name being shouted or the Elvhen words caught his attention. We locked gazes for a moment, then his eyes focused past me and went wide with surprise. His barrier washed over me like a cool summer breeze just before the ogre took a swipe and sent me flying across the road to land in a heap against the curb. _Ouch_.

"That was wicked! You just went flyin', whooosh, like that!"

I must've blacked out for a moment because when I pushed myself up into a sitting position I've found an overexcited Sera crouching next to me, gesturing wildly what I was pretty sure was my flight path. I chuckled, then groaned in pain.

"At least I'm not a bloody smear on the asphalt," I said. Sera giggled.

"What is 'ass-falt'?"

I blinked and pointed at the road. "The road. It's made of... erm, never mind."

I moved gingerly to peak around the blond elf. "Is the ogre dead?"

"Yeah! Bit squishy, that one," Sera answered. I got a glance of the mound of the ogre's blighted body, with an arrow sticking out of its eye socket. _Yuck_.

"Woah, Birdy, you bleedin'!"

"Huhh?"

Sera was motioning to the back of her head. Ah, great. Had I split my skull open on the edge of the pavement? I reached back carefully and frowned when my fingers came away bloody. Just wonderful. I reached back again, to prod at my tender skull and check the damage. I've read it somewhere that head wounds tended to bleed more than how serious they actually were.

"Aaaaghh! What are you doin'!?" Sera made disgusted faces over me prodding at the bleeding wound. But, at least, it felt like it was only a cut. No bones were broken. Still hurt worse than the worst migraine I had.

"May I help with that?"

Oh, gods, that voice! Those _eyes!_

Solas seemed to have appeared out of nowhere while I wasn't looking, and was now crouching beside Sera, offering his slightly glowing right hand to me.

"Wha...? Oh, healing! Right. Yes, please, thank you!" I stuttered. This day was getting weirder and weirder.

And then he took my chin with his left hand, to keep me still while he applied healing magic on the back of my head. It felt like warmth and comfort and well-being, spreading from my nape over my whole body, washing away most of the pain and panic and discomfort. It was pure bliss.

"Th-thank you," I murmured a bit stunned when he let go. "And thank you for saving my life."

"It is nothing," Solas said cooly, but with a tiny smirk lifting one corner of his mouth. "I am curious, however, why is it you trust mages so easily?"

"Why not?" I asked back confused at his question. "And besides, I was never going to outrun a freaking Ogre. I saw you sling barriers around. I thought it was my best bet under the circumstances. And it worked!" I grinned. These were very strange circumstances indeed.

"What d'you have there? Am I missing the party again?" A cheerful voice chimed in and another elf appeared, this time literally out of nowhere. As the smoke of coming out of stealth dissipated, I was faced with the Herald of Andraste herself, cleaning and putting away a pair of wicked-looking daggers at her hip.

"Ellana!" I cried out before I could think better of it. She froze.

Shit. What have I done!? How should I explain knowing her name? And how could I be certain it was even "Ellana"? I mean, she was a Dalish elf alright. With Andruil's pointy vallaslin painted in deep red on her face, striking a stunning contrast with her pale, freckled skin.

"You know," she spoke after a long, nervous silence. "I haven't been called by my name in _weeks_! And who are you?"

That did it.

"What the _fuck!?_ " I swore and turned accusingly to her companions, soon complete with Cassandra jogging up to our little gathering, swinging her huge shield onto her back and sheathing her sword too. "How can you not call Ellana by her name? I get protocol and propriety, but you are supposed to be her _friends!_ How...? Why....? Ugh!" I fumed. "I'm Cat. Short for Catherine. Nice to meet you." I stuck out my hand to shake then realised it was still covered in my blood and hastily drew it back and wiped it on my jeans... only to regret the motion a moment later.

They all seemed a bit uncomfortable about my outrage. Only Ellana seemed to be highly entertained by my antics.

"Nice to meet you too, Cat. I should keep you," she joked. "At least I'd have _someone_ who has the balls to call me by name and not be worried that they are offending a deity or some other higher powers," she chuckled.

I huffed, but she managed to make me crack a smile.

"So, all accounted for?" Ellana turned to Cassandra.

"Yes, Inquisitor," the Seeker said gruffly. "I counted seven piles of the strange grey ash they leave behind, in addition to the three we have killed in the tunnel." She was eyeing me suspiciously and I tried to look unassuming. Just an unlucky passerby, getting pummeled by an ogre.

Oh, that reminded me.

"Where there any casualties? Are the people all right?" I asked.

"Yeah, they are all fine," the Inquisitor waved my worries off. "Cassandra got to the man who was attacked through the window - how do you have so much glass around anyways? - and I chased down the last Hurlock that ran off that way," she motioned past the wok bar, down the street. To the way to the coffee shop. To the street, where my Mum's office was at.

"What?" I shrieked. "That's... are you _absolutely_ sure you got them all?"

"Yes, of course," Ellana said, confused at my panic. I took a deep, steadying breath and gave her a shaky smile.

"Thank you! Can I hug you?"

She stared at me wide-eyed for a moment, but then she grinned and nodded. "Sure."

I glomped her, hugging her tightly in gratitude for inadvertently saving my Mum.

"It's coz," I hiccuped in a half-sob. "Coz I know how horrible those creatures are," I said finally letting go of her. "And my world is just not prepared to deal with them. I mean, I'm sure they could come up with a cure if some rich guy got blight sickness, but otherwise? They'd probably end up nuking a lot of innocent people, just because it would be the easiest way to control the infection. Aaand I'm rambling, I'm sorry, I'm shutting up now."

There was a stunned silence. And then sirens.

"Oh, shit," I swore. "Somebody finally called the cops. You need to leave!"

"The...'cops'?" Ellana asked, confused.

I stood quickly, then swayed with the sudden rush of dizziness. _Wooah_.

"Y-yes. The city guard," I said. "You need to leave. How did you even get here in the first place?" I haven't even thought to ask yet.

"Oh!" she bounced to her feet excited. "It was wicked! We were slaying away at darkspawn, as one does, and then I found a tunnel entrance! There was a barrier on it, but I wanted to make sure no more darkspawn hid behind it, so I had Solas take the barrier down..."

"It was a magical barrier," Solas clarified.

"Or she would've had me kick it down," nodded Cassandra.

"And there _were_ more darkspawn behind it! Ten of them! But for some reason, instead of attacking, they ran. So we chased after them..."

"Killed a bunch in the tunnel," Sera chimed in.

"And passed through another, invisible barrier," added Solas.

"I'm telling the story!" Ellana shouted and the others finally let her finish. "So we ended up in a weirder tunnel with glass walls and doors and then followed the darkspawn up to the surface. Followed them all the way from there," she pointed to her right and Solas gently adjusted her arm to point to the left. "Thanks. So, all the way from there to here and down that street and back. All the ones we killed here turned into this weird grey ash though..."

I glanced behind her to where the ogre's corpse had lain and just as she said, there was a rapidly dissipating pile of grey dust in its place.

"And we rescued you!" Ellana said brightly.

"I'm ever so grateful for that, but we really need to move," I said. The sirens were getting closer.

"Why cannot we greet the city guard and explain? I am sure they would not mind..." Cassandra said but also started leading us toward where they came from.

"Sorry, but no. They would think you are all crazy. You do realize you're not in Thedas anymore, right?"

Cassandra looked a bit startled, like someone who was forced to face uncomfortable facts. But Solas just nodded, deep in thought.

"I thought it might be the case. The Fade feels... closer here."

Huhh... What!? _Closer?_

"I thought we didn't have a Fade," I said, walking with them, toward what seemed to be one of the main squares of the city. "We sure don't have magic. Not like you do."

"...Fascinating," Solas said, a bit awed.

_Don't go there, brain, don't go there._

"Yyyeah..."

We arrived at the square. It was suspiciously quiet, even though it was lunchtime. I spotted the entrance to the subway and my stomach clenched with panic. If they came from the underground..., if they came through the subway, they could've easily lost sight of a darkspawn or two... But Cassandra turned left, toward the underpass, instead of right, toward the stairs to the subway.

I breathed a tiny sigh of relief.

Even the main road had lower traffic than usual and I soon realized the most likely reason. At first, I didn't even notice what was wrong with the one car that was parked by the curb but then I saw that it wasn't actually blue. No, Solas had encased the whole thing in ice, trapping the driver inside. The poor woman watched us walk by with wide, panicked eyes and was clutching her phone like her life depended on it. I saw her mouth move and wondered if she was talking to the emergency services.

The underpass we headed for had been renovated a few years back. They built floor-to-ceiling glass storefronts, but nobody ended up renting them, so they were abandoned-looking and dirty. One of the storefronts was smashed, glass shards everywhere, and behind the backdoor, I could see a hole blown into the wall.

"There really shouldn't be a tunnel there," I murmured.

"Yeah, well, there was and we came through. I'm just glad we can also go back," Ellana said, patting my shoulder. "Come on."

"Farewell... wait, what?" I startled. "I can't go with you!"

Ellana had stopped midstep. "Why not!?"

"'Wh-why not?' I belong here, for one thing, and..."

"But you called me by my name!" She said, a look of betrayal on her face. "And you know so much about Thedas and the darkspawn. And... and..."

"My whole life is here, I can't just up and leave without notice!" I was backing away now. The sirens had cut off and I heard shouting and the sound of heavy boots from the stairs.

"Please," Ellana begged. "Just for a little while, just... Please." _'I'm lonely'_ was left unsaid, but I could see it in her eyes. It meant a lot more to her to be called by her name, or receive a simple hug that I've realized.

"I..." I hesitated.

"FREEZE!" A cop shouted. Ellana acted on a hunter's instincts. With one wave of her hand, she had me picked up by Cassandra and slung over the warrior's shoulder. I got a very hard shield in the solar plexus and was to busy trying to regain my ability to breathe, to notice what went on after Cassandra took off down the tunnel.

I heard a shot, and then we passed through what must've been the invisible barrier between our worlds because it felt like being dipped in ice water and then going through a spin cycle. And then there was the sound of displaced air and I was set on my feet just in time for me to turn to the wall and be violently sick, barely missing my shoes.

"Fuck!"

That was Ellana, but I already knew that I was sharing the sentiment.

"Are you alright, Inquisitor?" Solas asked solemnly.

"Yeah, yeah, it barely grazed me. But it burns, damn it!" She hissed a moment later, then sighed. "Thank you, old man."

"My pleasure," Solas answered cooly. Oooh, there was a history there. And Ellana got shot. But Solas could heal her. Everyone was fine. Probably. And the way back was closed. I glanced up. Definitely. I dry heaved again.

My brain tried to shy away from the reality of my situation.

I was sick because of the energies I could physically feel roiling around me. I was in Thedas, and Veil or no Veil, there was magic in the air. In addition, where the tunnel to my world used to be, there was only a solid stone wall. I was going to have a panic attack. No, scratch that. I _was_ having a panic attack. I flop-slid onto the floor, frantically wiping at my face, gulping the cold air in too rapid pants.

"Easy," Solas was crouching in front of me again. "Breathe with me," he said, gently taking my hand and putting it over his chest. I could feel his steady heartbeat, and I could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest with each breath. He barely waited to my shaky nod before running his healing hand over me. My breathing didn't ease from his magic, but I could feel it probing, checking for injuries.

"I still don't think she has a concussion, but it's hard to tell with her own magic awakened so forcefully."

"M-ma... m-my magic?" I gasped, my breathing speeding back up again.

"Easy, da'len," Solas reminded me, pinning me with his grey gaze, glowing in the dark tunnel. Oh, yeah, elf-eyes are cool like that.

"She is a mage?" Cassandra asked, accusingly.

"No I'm not!" I squeaked.

"Yes," Solas said at the same time. Then he added, "although I believe that her magic was only awakened by passing through the barrier separating our worlds."

Cassandra was still looking at me suspiciously, although I couldn't quite make out her expression in the dim light.

"Can you walk?" Ellana asked, handing me a waterskin. "We should get back to camp."

"Y-yeah..." I nodded shakily and got to my feet with a little help from Solas. For a moment, I didn't know what to do with the waterskin, then figured out how to open it. I rinsed my mouth and took a few small sips. It tasted like the mountain springs where we camped at when I was little...

This was surreal. Everything seemed more like a weird dream or a nightmare since the darkspawn showed up. And now I was stuck. In Thedas! I kept sneaking glances back at the darkness, but there wasn't even a hint, not even the smallest stone out of place, that suggested that the wall behind us wasn't there a few minutes ago.

We exited the tunnel into a huge cavern lit with torches. Ellana led the way to the outside and I've only then realized, standing under the softly falling snow, surrounded by rocks and towers and with a ransacked, abandoned, small campsite nearby, that we were at Valeska's Watch.

"Welcome to Emprise du Lion!"


	2. Emotional Roller-coaster

"Welcome to Emprise du Lion!" Ellana said, encompassing the whole flash frozen landscape with a wide arc of her arms. I shivered and wondered where my coat had gone in all the confusion.

Ellana turned and started heading left. I stopped.

"Isn't the nearest Inquisition Camp that way?" I pointed to the right.

Ellana paused to turn back.

"Ye-es, but the Tower Camp has better supplies and…" she paused for dramatic effect. "A hot bath!"

She had me there. I was already starting to freeze through to my bones and I was in no condition to keep warm by jogging along the snowy, slippery paths. We still made good time though and the Inquisition camp was closer than I'd anticipated.

Everything about my surroundings seemed off somehow. It took me a long time to figure out that my perspectives were screwed. Things were only slightly bigger than they seemed to be in the game, but I was used to the third-person viewpoint, trailing after my Inky. Though, to be honest, with Ellana being a couple of inches shorter than me, following her around had almost the same effect. Or, and this was most likely, my brain was just clinging to any scrap of familiarity it could find.

To keep me sane.

The Tower Camp was huge and busy and... surprisingly well-organized. It seemed more like a real war camp than it had in the game. There were huge tents with actual people coming in and out of them. There were multiple campfires and braziers for much-needed warmth, and a lookout had signalled our approach well in advance.

I decided to put down roots next to the first brazier we passed and Ellana only glanced back with amusement in her eyes while she dealt with the runners that swarmed her immediately and waved away the too persistent requisition officer. Cassandra and Sera disappeared into the crowd of people, probably tending to their own businesses, while Solas... startled me badly enough that I almost fell into the brazier. He had been lurking behind me but staying so silent, I didn’t notice he was there.

"Gaah!" I flailed, barely regaining my balanced with the help of his steadying hand. "Sorry," I mumbled embarrassed. "You're much quieter than I thought."

"Yes," his lips quirked slightly. "You seem to know a lot about us, and not many things take you by surprise here. I would like to hear about that sometime..."

"You can question her while you help her get cleaned up," Ellana said, coming up to us after dealing with the Inquisitor's responsibilities. "I've sent a tub to your tent, it's the biggest and I'm sure she could use a trained mage's help. We don't want the camp burned to the ground by accident, do we?" She grinned.

The joke still smarted. I huffed up in indignation.

"I would never set things on fire! Not by accident." I stuck out my tongue at her. She laughed delightedly and winked.

"I like you, we're definitely keeping you," she said before turning to walk away.

"I'm not a stray pet!" I shouted after her, but she just waved without turning back.

"The Inquisitor has taken quite a liking to you. You could be in a worse situation than being her stray kitten," Solas said, then motioned me toward a group of tents in the back of the camp. I followed him with a frown.

The tent he took me to was spacious and tall. It looked nothing like a simple sleeping tent.

"Do you keep a whole library in there with you?" I asked, feeling bratty.

"No," he said simply. "I used to share sleeping quarters with the Iron Bull. He is a..."

"Ah, that explains the space," I cut him off.

"Do you know him?" Solas asked. "Or of him." He held the tent flap open for me to enter.

"Well... yes and no," I said, ducking inside. It was like a small but tidy canvas room. "I know  _ about _ all of the Inquisition and the Inner Circle. But I haven't met anyone personally before today. It's... a bit daunting, to be honest. You guys are something like a legend or myth in my world. A famous story that a lot of people know a lot about... But no one would expect to meet the people in it in real life."

"Fascinating," Solas said, and I melted a little from the sound of his voice while deep in thought. He raised a single eyebrow at my expression and I cleared my throat, straightening and blushing in embarrassment.

"You may undress behind this," he said, pulling a folding screen from the wall of the tent and opening it so it hid the back corner from view. "I will help you wash the blood out of your hair when the tub and water arrives."

I haven't considered that I would have to get undressed with Solas in the same room... well, tent. I wasn't shy per se, just not used to getting naked, even in a totally platonic or even clinical situation,  _ in front of my crush from a video game _ . This was going to be interesting.

There was a call at the tent's entrance and I practically dove behind the screen to hide. Solas directed the servants on where to place the tub and to pour the water. I didn't start to take off my clothes until they left.

My hoodie was probably ruined by the blood. So was my shirt. Even my undershirt had a couple of stains. My jeans were muddy and sported a new rip on the legs. My hiking boots fared the best, although they could've used a thorough scrub as well.

"Can your people take blood out of clothes?" I asked as I folded each piece I took off over the top of the screen. It was surprisingly warm in here, even though I haven’t seen a brazier inside.

"I believe so," Solas said thoughtfully. "I myself have a couple of spells to remove stains, but the Inquisitor's clothing is washed by the Skyhold servants and she regularly bathes in her enemies' blood."

That was reassuring. And funny. Maybe a bit disconcerting. Although I had experiences with different blood types leaving different stains, I shrugged to myself and double-checked my pockets. I had my travel pass for public transport in my city and my StudentID tucked in the same case. Some clean paper tissues. Some half-used paper tissues.

But nothing else.

I looked at my meager belongings with growing apprehension.

My phone got left on the table at the wok bar. My coat... lost to the chaos of being attacked by an ogre. My bag: left under my seat.

I had nothing. Nothing of  _ me _ left.

I came out from behind the folding screen, only in my bra and panties, holding my ID case with one trembling hand and a bunch of paper tissues in the other.

"I've..." I swallowed back tears threatening to fall. "I've got nothing left..."

Solas' startled gaze softened as he took my hands and guided me to place my things on a low trunk. Then he made me sit on a low stool and helped me untie and unbraid my hair. He had heated the water while I was undressing and we ended up having to rinse the most of the dried blood out of my braid before we could completely undo it.

I was secretly grateful that he didn't offer empty platitudes just the silent, gentle care.

He used a small pitcher to get hot water from the tub to wet my hair and worked some kind of herbal stuff into it as shampoo. I zoned out as his long fingers gently mapped my scalp for injuries or tenderness, though the small cut had healed without a trace. I haven't had somebody wash my hair since I was little. It was soothing and it almost made me forget about my situation.

Solas had to get my attention with a firm hand on my shoulder when it was time for the rinse. I squeezed most of the water out, then just stood around, embarrassed.

"I suppose I should take off my smalls and get in the tub now..." I mumbled, half to myself.

"I can leave if you wish," Solas said, a tiny smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. I was more and more wary of that smirk.

"No," I said quickly. I didn't want to be left alone. It felt like, as long as he was around, it would all turn out fine somehow. "Just... turn around for a bit... please."

He gave me a small nod and turned, busying himself with tidying up the empty pitcher and bottles of herbal soaps.

I quickly wriggled out of my underwear and carefully stepped into the bathtub. The water was still very hot, just on the edge of intolerably so. I immersed my weary body in it with a long sigh.

I looked up when I heard Solas chuckle.  _ When have I closed my eyes? _ He was watching me with a strange expression on his face... almost... fondly?

"You know, I'm not sure about the etiquette here, with public baths and all, but where I come from, it's considered rude to stare at another naked person," I said with a bit of mock indignation in my tone.

He just chuckled again and settled on a floor pillow with his back against the tub.

"She told you to watch over me, didn't she?" I asked. I was sure that the Inquisitor had communicated more to Solas with her simple request than only what the words conveyed.

"Yes," Solas answered simply. I fought back the urge to splash him. That would've been childish. And I was a grown-up woman. Sitting in a tub, in a tent. With a practical stranger.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do I need to be kept an eye on?" I asked. "And please pass the soap."

He reached out to the shiny bottles and passed me one that contained an interesting shade of navy blue, almost purple viscous liquid. When I worked the cork out, my senses were flooded with lavender. I almost teared up again and wondered if it was mere coincidence that Solas gave me the same scented soap I used at home.

"I mean, I get that I'm an untrained mage, apparently," I continued, trying to sound normal, "and thus dangerous, but..."

"It is not you having magic that is of concern," Solas cut off my rambling. "It is its nature. I could not feel magic in you when I've healed your wound in your world, yet as soon as you stepped foot in ours, it broke free. You have a tight hold on it right now, but for a moment, we could all feel its power."

I sat in stunned silence. I didn't feel any different. Beyond that initial shock and chucking up my last earthly meal, (RIP best pad thai of the city,) I was only colder here. Which seemed perfectly natural for a place that was experiencing a flash freeze, and for me being without my coat. Or gloves. Or a scarf. Or a hat! I had knitted that hat myself...  _ Don't think about it. _ Maybe I can knit one here too?

The rest of the bath went by quietly. I washed up quickly, then just soaked in the warmth. I withstood the urge to touch Solas’ ears without asking while he was sitting by the tub, and thought better of asking at all.

"How much do you know about us?" Solas asked casually, with his eyes closed while he enveloped me in a huge bath towel. It wasn't as soft and fluffy as the ones at home, but it was nice.

"I..." I had to phrase things carefully. He had turned away to let me dry myself, but also to make answering easier. It was a false sense of ease though, I knew. The Dread Wolf did nothing without a reason.

"I know the story," I began. "It may or may not be entirely accurate. It's not very detailed but has some interesting tidbits here and there about all of the Inner Circle of the Inquisitor. Like... hmmm, like how hornbalm is hard to get hold of down south. Or how you hate tea."

A small chuckle escaped Solas. At least he sounded amused. I decided to be carefully honest with him from the beginning. It seemed like the safest bet.

"There are other, more sensitive things too. Each member of the Inquisition has their own secrets and hardships. Things they don't want to share. Things they cannot share. Not even with a lover perhaps..."

He turned around so fast I had to consciously lock my muscles and fight down the urge to flinch or flee. His eyes looked very blue. But then he sighed and took the bunched up towel from my hands and started scrubbing away at me to dry me faster.

"Heyy," I squeaked indignantly. "I'm not a child."

"Yet you do a nice job of acting like one," he said with a smirk. But his eyes remained sharp.  _ Careful _ .

"You're just jealous of Ellana getting a hug. Do you need one too?" I joked.

He stilled. Startled by the realization that I've stumbled on the truth, I met his gaze. I forgot just how lonely his gaze could look. I forgot... from what? The many fanfics I've read? The hours of gameplay, or banter I've listened to? This man in front of me now was a real person! Not just a fictional character. And he was nothing like I've imagined or could ever anticipate. But he looked truly lonely and touch-starved and didn’t seem to be used to being offered kindness.

So I hugged him.

He gasped, freezing in place for a moment before his arms came around me fully and he hugged me back with such ferocity it almost hurt, trapping me in the towel. We stayed like that, in a tight hug, enjoying the simple comfort of skin on skin contact.

Eventually, he loosed his grip and we broke apart. I expected there to be awkwardness, but instead, I was just greeted with a soft smile and shining storm-grey eyes.

"Soooo... am I to wear a towel to the freezing Emprise or...?" I asked with a grin.

Solas chuckled.

"Let me help you dry your hair first, then I'll show you the clothes the Inquisitor found for you."

I thanked him and sat on the stool again as he drew the excess water from my hair with magic. He tried to teach me how to do it, and I thought I might be able to replicate it... as soon as my magic actually acted on my will. Nothing happened, however.

Solas wasn't fazed and instead moved onto the clothes. They were Tevinter robes, I recognized the incredibly flashy style combined with a surprising range of movement. Tevinter battlemage robes!

They fastened by magic.

All those shiny buckles and ties and straps? Just for show. They fasten by magic (which only the upper class has anyway) much like velcro. They  _ could _ be fastened by hand apparently, but it takes forever. It's a useless task for the slaves, all for the luxury of the Magisters.

"Every time I learn something new about Tevinter culture or society," I began as I managed enough magical energy output to get my tunic fastened, "I don't know whether to be awed or horrified."

"Perhaps both reactions are appropriate," Solas said.

"Please tell me I get to have a cloak too. I know I'm basically gonna live off of the Inquisitor's goodwill here, but I'd dig all the latrines from Skyhold to Val Royeaux, just for a chance not to freeze."

That startled a real laugh out of Solas before he produced not only a heavy woollen cloak but also a pair of boots that seemed to be better fitted for the deep snowy environment than my own.

"Thank you!" I squeed delightedly, pulling the boots on instantly. All the clothes fit surprisingly well. And I wished I could see myself in a mirror to anticipate how many people will call me a Magister.

"How do I look? " I asked Solas, grinning and twirling around in a circle.

"Otherworldly," he answered deadpan.

I laughed and slapped his arm playfully, and we exited the tent together.

Outside the tent, I turned to Solas.

"What happens now?"

"I believe we're staying here for the day," he said. "We are waiting for the Iron Bull and Madame de Fer to arrive. Dorian will probably come as well. The Inquisitor is planning on hunting dragons, but Judicael's Crossing needs repairs."

I looked over toward the bridge but I couldn't make out much from this distance without my glasses. How would I even go about getting glasses here? I wasn’t too short-sighted to function in everyday situations, but it would be useful to ask about them anyway. Maybe…

"Is Varric around?" I asked.

"Yes," Solas said in a carefully controlled tone. "What need do you have of him?"

"Ah, sorry," I said quickly. "I just remembered that in some of the stories he wears eyeglasses... I thought maybe he does here... I mean in real life... too and I could ask him how to get one. I can't see far things very well," I explained.

"Ah, certainly, that might be possible," Solas nodded in understanding.

"And what do we do until the bridge gets repaired?" I asked.

"I believe we will take Suledin Keep tomorrow," he continued. "Lavellan is still writing the orders for the Commander for aid with the bridge repairs. And I believe she was tending to a matter about finally contacting her clan..."

I froze midstep.

"Contacting Clan Lavellan?" I asked very quietly. "Via Cullen's men?"

Solas looked at me frowning. "Yes, I believe so."

"Oh no. Nonononono," I felt my blood turn to icewater.

"What is wrong...?"

I didn't let Solas finish, I took off running. I had to find Ellana. Before it was too late.

Perhaps it already was. Perhaps she already sent the command.

No. I had to hope...

I spotted Ellana talking to an agent of the Inquisition, letters in her hand, by the entrance of what I took to be the command tent. I ran for her full speed, only slowing once I snatched the letters from her hand as she was passing them to the runner.

"Have you written to Cullen about your Clan?" I asked panting, out of breath. I tried making out the addresses on the handful of missives but written Common was nothing like English.  _ Damn, I'll have to relearn how to read and write. _ "Please, tell me you haven't contacted him yet!"

"I-I haven't. Cat, what's wrong? Give back those letters!" Ellana said.

My legs gave way in relief and I've collapsed into the snow.

"Thank the Maker..." I giggled hysterically. I made it. Oh God, I've made it.

If I did nothing else useful ever in Thedas, I was glad I had been here.

"Cat," Ellana said gruffly. "What is wrong with you? Explain!"

"I... it..." I stifled another giggle and tried to concentrate on the coldness of the snow, seeping through my new cloak, grounding me. "If you’d sent Cullen's men to contact your clan, there would've been a bloodbath. They would mistake the human soldiers for enemies and they'd end up killing each other."

Ellana's jaw dropped.

"But I was in tii~iime!" I sing-songed and started making a snow angel. I rolled over to scream into the snow. I was just so relieved, the excess adrenalin was wreaking havoc in my body. I flopped over again and stared up at the cloudy sky.

Then, suddenly, I had a lapful of tiny elf lady.

Ellana took my face in her hands and said, "It is official, you are a blessing sent by the Creators! Thank You, Catherine, thank you!"

And then she kissed me.

Long and hard. Right there in the snow. On the mouth.

I was stunned. I haven't been kissed in  _ years _ .

Ellana straitened and gave me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Her Fade-green eyes shone with joy.

"Thank you," she said again.

"I," I swallowed hard. Her taste lingered on my lips. It was hard to think clearly. "I couldn't let you... I mean, I know things about... this world. And time. And a bit about the future. It's all just a story where I come from but, if there was the slightest chance..., I couldn't stay silent. And I want to help and I really just want to keep people as safe as possible," I was rambling, but I couldn't seem to stop. "But it's always hard to know what to tell and what to keep back. Too much information can be just as dangerous. I don't know how things would change if I told you everything I know. It might make it all useless and..."

Ellana silenced me with a single finger over my mouth.

"Welcome to this madness, we oh so lovingly call the Inquisition, my dear Seeress," she said.

"Fenedhis lasa," I screwed my eyes shut and swore with feeling. "I'm not a fucking Seeress!"

Ellana laughed out loud. We had attracted quite a commotion between my hectic letter-stealing and our little show in the snow. I heard a bow being pulled and caught a glimpse of plaidwear.

"Sera, if you dare loosen that arrow, I swear, I'll set your breeches on fire," I said without opening my eyes.

"....piss!" Sera swore and Ellana just laughed louder.

"Please get out of the snow," Solas said disapprovingly, having caught up to us. "I haven't enchanted your cloak to be water-resistant yet, da'len."

"Yes, hahren, we apologize, hahren," I said a touch exaggerated. "We'll be good little children, hahren."

Solas kept his face carefully neutral but I saw the corner of his mouth twitch the tiniest bit as he helped us up and dried our clothes with the wary patience of a very tired parent.

"Dinner must be ready soon. Let's find the others," Ellana said and dragged me off with her, Solas following behind.

  
  



	3. By the Campfire

Dinner was indeed almost ready.

The Inquisitor's party had its own campfire to gather around and not only Cassandra and Sera were there (the latter giving me narrow-eyed looks,) but also Varric and the newly arrived trio of Vivienne, Dorian and the Iron Bull.

"Great, everyone's here," Ellana said and pulled me to the front. "This is Catherine, or Cat for short, the newest addition to our team and soon to be the official Seeress of the Inquisition," she declared.

I flinched away.

"Oh nononono," I shook my head vehemently. "Maker, no! That's a very dangerous title. I'm not gonna have a target on my back because of it. Besides, I can't see the future any better than you can."

"But you knew about my Clan..." she began.

"It's all a legend where I come from," I tried to explain, growing weary under the increasingly interested gazes of the others around the fire. "It doesn't make it a hundred percent accurate, or reliable in any way. I hardly know anything about you all. And all that I _think_ I know could be entirely wrong!"

Ellana just shook her head with an indulgent grin and pushed me down onto the seat next to Solas on a log bench.

"Interesting newcomer you've picked up, boss," Bull said jovially. I glanced up at the sound of his rumbling voice and had to consciously make myself look away so I wouldn't stare.

He was _huge_ and more battle-scarred than I remembered from the game. He also exuded an aura of 'tear-you-apart' kind of danger that must've been useful as a bodyguard but I had expected him to be more mellow in friendly company.

"Are you sure she isn't a spy?" He continued. "Looks like a Vint. You say she knows too much about us. Sounds like a spy to me."

I paled and pulled my hood up to hide my face under it. Bull could be really scary in real life. I didn't expect to get so intimidated by him.

"I regret to have to say this again, but I was there when we met her in that other world." To my surprise, it was Cassandra who spoke up. "I vouch for her. She can pose danger with her magic, but she has been swept away from her home against her will. I don't believe her to be capable of being a spy."

I gaped. How did Cassandra manage to make me sound dangerous and helpless at the same time?

"The Seeker vouches for you?" Varric said, sounding impressed. "It took Her Inquisitorialness nearly dying in an effort to stabilize the Breach to get that far. What did _you_ do? Save a kitten?"

"LOL, no. But I did get smacked around by an Ogre," I said. "Does that count?"

Thankfully dinner had just arrived, and our chat was cut short as we descended on the food. The huge pot or cauldron containing the stew had to be carried by two people. Wooden spoons were passed around, then the food was served in wooden bowls. Soon, I found myself cradling a bowl of hot stew that smelled more delicious than anything I've ever eaten before.

"Eat up," Solas said warmly and I hesitantly tried a bite before digging in enthusiastically.

It was so delicious! The meat was practically melting in my mouth and the veggies were just soft enough to compliment the texture of the stew but not boiled into a paste. I was pleasantly surprised, so much so, that I had almost forgotten where I was.

The group had lapsed into a companionable silence while we ate, but smaller conversations sprung up between the party members as their initial hunger was sated. I got warmed up by the fire and by the food, so I had shrugged off my cape and had it pooled around my waist on my seat.

I watched the companions with growing fangirlish interest.

Solas ate in silence next to me, no doubt still keeping an eye on me under order from the Inquisitor.

Dorian kept his distance from me seated on the far side of Bull. I wondered if it was because I was dressed as a Venatori? I wasn't in a position to be choosy about my wardrobe, but I hoped it wouldn't stop us from becoming friends one day.

Bull still kept an eye on me but he was mostly busy trying to embarrass Dorian with naughty comments. I couldn't hear what he was whispering to the man, but Dorian blushing so prettily and sniping back at Bull every now and then pretty much gave the subject away. That and Sera's occasional guffaws next to them that earn her some increasingly disapproving glares from Vivienne.

Varric and Cassandra had been discussing something that would've made the Seeker lose her temper if Ellana didn't interrupt with some distracting comments every now and then.

I wondered where the rest of the Inner Circle was.

"Aren't Blackwall and Cole going to join us?" I asked Ellana.

She frowned.

"Blackwall is at Skyhold," she said, her tone just oozing hostility. "But I'm not sure who Cole is." She suddenly brightened up. "Is he a new companion I'll meet in the future? Tell me about him! He's not as stuffy as Solas, is he?"

I gaped like a fish, unsure of what to say.

Ellana hadn't met Cole yet? No, that was impossible. We were in the Emprise. It was a place only available after moving to Skyhold. She had been declared Inquisitor already. The only option was that she had chosen not to let Cole stay with the Inquisition and he made them forget.

"No, sorry," I said quietly. "I was mistaken. Just _forget it._ "

Ellana blinked at me then turned back to the conversation with Varric and Cassandra.

As I turned back to my bowl of stew, I caught Solas watching me with a strange expression on his face but when I turned to ask him what was wrong, he had already busied himself with his own dinner again.

I was so preoccupied with the revelation about Cole that the rest of the dinner passed me by without my noticing.

It had gotten dark, and I only realized that Solas had been shielding me from prying questions when he raised his voice against Vivienne.

"I was asking our guest, not you, apostate," the Iron Lady said in that pleasantly authoritative tone of hers.

I swallowed hastily and asked, "Yes? I apologize, what was your question, ma'am?"

Vivienne smiled.

"I see _she_ at least has the manners suited to a companion of our dear Inquisitor," she said pointedly to Solas, then turned to me. "I was only asking if you could tell us what 'stories' you know of our future."

I hesitated, chewing on my spoon for a moment before deciding to be as honest as possible.

"I'm not sure what I could tell you. Knowing the future can be as dangerous as being uninformed."

"Oh?" Vivienne raised an eyebrow. "How so, pray tell."

"Well," I fidgeted. Hypothesizing about the future was always a delicate subject. "I believe the future is malleable. Even if I tell you that according to the legends I know, 'event A' would happen, it is possible that the act of telling you, or just the fact of you knowing it advance already changes things enough that 'event B' would happen instead.

"I'm pretty sure there are a few things that are inevitable. Like that Ellana closed the Breach. Still, there could've been a timeline where she failed and the bad guys won. She could've died at Haven. What would've happened to the Inquisition then?"

"Interesting hypothesis indeed," Vivienne nodded in understanding. "So you do not plan to share your supposed knowledge with us? At least not completely."

I knew her approving nod was too good to be true.

"I plan on doing my best and giving as much warning as I can. I'm afraid though that if I give too much away, it would change the Inquisition's path or alert the enemy and things would change so much that my knowledge would become useless." I turned to Vivienne fully and looked her in the eyes. "Would it be worth it for a momentary success to throw away any possible future warnings about danger?"

To her credit, Vivienne hid being taken aback instantly. I could barely glimpse the surprise on her face before her features settled back into that smug, all-knowing expression of hers.

The moment was broken when Varric spoke up.

"So, you know about the past as well as the future?"

Oh, the past! I could talk about that. And maybe find out something about the current world state.

"Yes," I said eagerly. "I've read different versions of the legend going back as far as the Fifth Blight. Maybe you could help me figure out which is true?"

Varric laughed heartily.

"Sure thing, Canary," he grinned. "What do you want to know?"

"Who's the Hero of Ferelden?" I asked instantly. "Who did they fall in love with? Who's on the throne of Ferelden? Who ended up killing the Archdemon? Was it Riordan?"

"Woah, woah," Varric put his hands up in defense. "Calm down, one question at a time," he said with a chuckle, "or you should read my book on the Hero of Ferelden."

"But I can't read Common," I said, pouting.

"Really?" Ellana turned to me in surprise.

"Yeah," I sighed dejectedly. "I found out when I tried to check the addresses on the missives you were handing off to the runner, and couldn't. We use a different alphabet and now I'll have to relearn how to read and write." I curled my hands into fists of determination. "But I won't rest until I'm able to read the Tale of the Champion!"

Varric laughed out loud at that and there were more sounds of amusement from around the fire.

"Will you help me learn, Varric?"

"Sure thing, Canary," he said still grinning. "I cannot turn down such an eager fan."

I beamed. Then I realized that he had called me 'Canary'.

"Wait, did you just... give me a nickname?" I asked then frowned. "Why does everybody end up calling me by all kinds of feathery fiend names, but my own? First Birdy, now Canary? Seriously?"

Everybody was entertained by my pouting, and I didn't really mind. I _was_ a bit upset about not being called by my name, but I was starting to get used to it being the norm here.

"Would you at least tell me about the Champion until I learn to read?" I asked Varric as the others moved on with their own conversations.

"Gladly, but I'm not sure what you would like to hear," he said. "I'm getting the impression that you know a whole lot already."

"Start with their full name," I said. "And their family and friends and..."

"Easy," Varric chuckled again. "Her name is Marion Hawke, the eldest. Her little brother, Carver had become a Templar but since the war, he's been off with Merrill protecting the remnants of her clan."

"Does he still have a chip on his shoulder about his big sister?" I asked excitedly. "What about their mother? Is Leandra..." I trailed off, already knowing the answer from how Varric's face darkened.

"She's been killed by a crazed blood mage. Hawke took it hard. Bethany took it worse though since she wasn't in Kirkwall, but off with the Wardens on duty..."

"BETHANY'S ALIVE???" I jumped up from my seat sending my empty bowl clattering to the ground.

"Thanks to Anders, yes," Varric sighed. "It's probably the only reason Hawke let him live after the whole mess at the end."

I slumped back in my seat, stunned. Both of the Hawke twins survived. Varric thought I'd assumed Bethany died in the Deep Roads, but he didn't know about the Ogre at the beginning of Hawke's story. Maybe there wasn't even an Ogre here? Or maybe they dealt with it without any problem?

Ogres always been easier to deal with in Inquisition but so were most of the darkspawn. I just didn't have any idea what preconceptions I could rely on anymore and what I should throw out the window as game mechanics nonsense.

"Ah, I wish I could meet Hawke," I sighed. "Now I have even more questions."

"Maybe you'll be able to meet her once we go back to Skyhold," Varric said with a wink.

"WHAT?!?" This time it was Cassandra raising her voice.

She whirled on Varric with such ferocity that I was suddenly afraid for Varric's wellbeing.

"You said you didn't know where the Champion was," Cassandra accused, drawing her sword. "You little shit!"

Before I realized, I was standing between them trying to shield Varric from the ire of Cassandra.

"Please don't stab him in the book again," I said quickly, dodging Cassandra's attempt to push me out of her way. "It's not his fault really! You know it too. Hawke wouldn't have been able to help save the Divine. She would've just died at the Conclave like the rest. Cassandra, calm down for fuck's sake!"

And she did.

She grew very still and pointed her sword at me instead.

"How do you know that, mage?" She spat. "What demonic magic do you possess that could tell you that?"

Demonic.... what?

I stared down at her blade with trepidation. I couldn't give her an answer other than what I already told them. It may not have been the complete truth, but it was as close to it as they would understand anyway.

"Da'len," Solas spoke up calmly. "How did you get over there so quickly?"

I blinked and tore my gaze from Cassandra's sword to look over to Solas... _on the other side of the campfire._

"I just... stepped..."

My head was reeling. I had "just stepped" over to stand between Cassandra and Varric. Right through a fire that I didn't even realize was there. It wasn't even a conscious effort. One moment I was watching Cassandra draw her blade, the next I was in front of her, trying to shield Varric.

"Did you Fade Step?" Ellana asked marveling at me. "Isn't that supposed to be hard?"

"It is indeed one of the more advanced spells an apprentice learns," Vivienne confirmed cooly.

"I didn't even think about it," I said, turning back to Cassandra and finding that her blade was still pointing straight at my chest. I flinched and _stepped_ back to Solas' side, comically hiding behind him. "She's not gonna Smite me, is she? I don't wanna try out how that would feel."

"It is alright, Da'len," Solas said, patting my arm. "I don't believe Seeker Cassandra would let her emotions get the better of her so easily," he added pointedly.

Cassandra snorted in disgust, sheathed her sword and sat back down. I noticed that Varric was still eyeing her cautiously but the tension started to dissipate.

"Care for an experiment, Catherine," Solas asked, turning to me fully.

I startled.

"E-Experiment? What sort of experiment?"

"A simple game of 'catch me if you can'," he grinned.

I blinked at him, mesmerized by his playful smile. I couldn't remember any instance when I saw him smile like that in the game. I nodded slowly.

Solas patted my arm and then Fade Stepped away from the fire.

Oh. He meant like _that_.

I giggled and Stepped after him, giving chase.

Fade Stepping came to me as naturally as breathing. It was too easy. It wasn't even easy, it just _was._ I looked at a place where I wanted to be and the next moment I was there. Solas was soon struggling to keep ahead of me and ended up running out of mana and having to give up.

I tapped him on his shoulder, laughing delightedly. Running around using only Fade Step was exhilarating for me. And not at all tiring.

"What's wrong, Old Wolf," I teased. "Out of breath already?"

He just shook his head, still smiling but his eyes were lined with strain. I hoped he didn't overdo it because of me.

"Did the ancient elves play around like this in Arlathan? With all that magic penetrating freely through the world... Without the Veil, it must've been glorious."

"Indeed. I have seen memories in the Fade of children playing like this. The adults usually refrained from such display beyond teaching the young ones," Solas said, putting one hand on my shoulder and urging me back towards the fire.

But I was still full of energy and was too excited to sit back down.

I ended up running around for another good while and finally collapsing next to Solas on the log we shared and spending the rest of the night listening to the stories Varric entertained us with.


	4. Fade, Fade, I love you

I woke up to the sound of my Mum letting herself into my apartment.

I groaned, having a coughing fit right after waking up. My throat hurt, my body hurt, I could barely breathe and I had been bedridden for almost a week.

And now even my  _ dreams _ decided to fuck with me? And it seemed so real too...

But of course, it was all just a dream. All of Thedas, and Ellana and Solas...  _ I haven't even played the games in weeks. _

I sighed and managed to sit up as my Mum came into my room.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she said, opening my window to let in some fresh air. "How did you sleep?"

"Better I guess," I said before I almost cracked a jaw on a huge yawn. "I dreamt about some weird things. I might still have a fever..."

Mum chuckled. She knew how weird my fever dreams could get.

"I've brought you some chicken noodle soup. Would you like some? Or should I make you some tea and toast? Do you have enough honey? I could bring you another jar." She was fussing. It felt good to be fussed over while sick, but I was so tired. I just wanted to eat, take my meds and go back to sleep. Maybe dream of the Old Wolf again?

"No, thank you," I said. I struggled upright and out of bed.

"Are you sure? I could make you some porridge," Mum insisted. She sounded... a bit off. "I can make you whatever you want. What is your  _ desire _ ?"

Ooookayyy. That did not sound like my Mum  _ at all _ .

I stopped and assessed my surroundings.

It looked like my room, my apartment, my bed, my PJs. It looked like it, but it  _ wasn't _ .

"Begone," I said.

"I just want to help you," she insisted. "I want to grant your desire. You just have to say  _ 'yes' _ ."

"Begone, Demon!" I shouted at it and a moment later I was alone in my room.

It was bittersweet.

Unconsciously, I was missing my home so much that I've attracted a Desire Demon. I missed my Mum, I missed my world, and here it all was, if only as a construct in the Fade. I looked around forlornly. This was all gone. It hasn't been just a dream. Ellana and Solas and all the companions and my magic. (And I had awareness in my dream, in the Fade!  _ Yayy? _ )

But all of this was gone. My mum, my flat, my things, my old life. There was no way back.

We didn't talk about it, after returning to camp from Valeska's Watch. None of us has mentioned the collapsed tunnel and the fact that the only known way to my world was cut off, as if by magic.

It was no use dwelling on what I've lost, however. I would use this opportunity to say goodbye and then I'll move on and find a new place for myself in the Inquisition. Or perish. (I was still expecting something truly deadly around every corner. So far I've survived an Ogre, the frozen weather of Emprise du Lion, using my magic, and encountering a Demon. Something was bound to get me sooner rather than later, I was sure.)

For now, I patted my favourite office chair that took all my strength and endurance to drag home from IKEA on the subway. I dragged my finger over all the dents and scrapes in the soft wood of my desk, that were left behind from my various crafts. I would miss this. I would miss my knitting, I was just about to finish another sweater. I would miss my bookshelf, full of my favourite volumes, including a few of the Dragon Age books that I was still meaning to read but never got around to. I'll never have the opportunity now.

I was poring over my collage poster of fanart when I heard  _ his _ voice.

"What a strange chamber. Is this what your home looks like?"

He looked like Solas, but I couldn't be sure whether or not he wasn't just another Demon.

"How do I know it's really you?" I asked carefully turning around to face him.

He looked equal parts surprised and pleased with my question.

"I was worried you might not be able to guard against demons," he said. "I did not expect that you'd be so vigilant. In all my travels of the Fade, I haven't met many Dreamers. Your magic must be truly unique to allow you such abilities."

"Okay, you're the real thing," I sighed, turning back to my pictures on the wall. "Only the Old Wolf talks like that."

Solas chuckled and joined me looking at the poster.

"Is that about the Inquisition?" He pointed at a drawing of the Inner Circle.

"Yes," I nodded. He seemed fascinated by his image rendered in pencil strokes.

"I recognize these people," Solas pointed at a different picture, a Tavern scene. "These are The Bull's Charges, aren't they?"

"You've met them?" I asked, surprised.

"We do all live in Skyhold, da'len."

"Of course. I just," I cleared my throat. "I had the impression that they mostly hang out in the Herald's Rest when they have free time. And you... don't."

Solas chuckled.

"I do, on a rare occasion... I can't help noticing but... there is a lot of drawings... of me," he said, raising a brow in question.

I grinned.

"I haven't drawn them myself if that's what you're getting at," I said. "I can't draw for shit. But I like nice art." I pointed out some of my favourite pictures of him. "These are all done by the same artist. She's brilliant."

"Who is the elven woman?"

"She's... a possibility," I said. "The First of Clan Lavellan, in a world where  _ she _ bore the Mark and became the Herald of Andraste."

Solas mulled that over, then moved on to another picture.

"Who are these people with Master Tethras?"

"Do you still refer to Varric like that? I thought you'd be on a first-name basis by now," I said, but continued with explaining. "That is the Kirkwall Crew, as they are popularly called. That's the Champion and his companions. In one of the versions of the story, Hawke is a man."

"Ah, I see," Solas nodded, his eyes taking in each of the companions.

"But where is his twin?"

I had to stifle a small squee.

"There are  _ two _ sets of Hawke twins?!?" I asked grinning like an idiot.

Solas gave me a confused look but just nodded in answer before moving onto the next group picture.

"And these people with the King of Ferelden?" He pointed to Alistair in another group picture.

"King, huh? Niiice!" I grinned. "That is the Hero of Ferelden and her companions." It was a picture featuring a Rogue Cousland who became queen at Alistair's side. I love it because it was the same worldstate as my first playthrough.

"But, I thought the Hero of Ferelden had been a Dalish Hunter."

My grin melted away.

" _ 'Had been' _ ?" I echoed.

Solas looked at me sharply.

"Yes. He had died slaying the Archdemon." His eyes narrowed, "you didn't know."

"It was... a possibility. But I wasn't sure," I said quietly. So they didn't go through with the Dark Ritual. I had hoped...  _ well _ . "I guess not everyone can have a happy ending."

"You are sad..." Solas pointed out the obvious. "For what reason? Why would you care for people you haven't even met?"

"But I  _ have _ met them. In a sense," I said. "I have fought by their side, I was there at their darkest hour and their greatest triumphs. For a time I  _ was _ them. And I helped them save the world and bring peace when there was only chaos. Of  _ course _ I care!"

Solas put a steadying hand only my shoulder. I haven't noticed that I was shaking.

"You were them? The Hero of Ferelden?" Solas asked. "How?"

"Your world… like I said, it’s a sort of myth. There’s a story, but we can... reenact different versions of it. Like a game of pretend. It’s very popular," I said. "There are key events, some things that cannot be changed and some things that can. I know that in reality not everybody can be saved," I added quietly. "But I had hoped... It's harder to know for sure that all my efforts in what was essentially just a game, a story, mean nothing in the face of reality."

"I am sorry," Solas said.

"So am I," I said quietly, looking away and blinking back unshed tears. Damn it, I should've known this would happen sooner or later.

"Why are you here anyway? Were you really just checking on me?" I asked, collecting myself.

"Partly, yes, but I also wanted to scout out Suledin Keep through the Fade," he said.

"Oh. You can do that?" I asked, incredulous. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"We need to be careful, yes, but it is doable."

" _ 'We' _ ?" I grinned shakily.

"If you care to join me," Solas gave a small bow of his head. "It would be my honour to show you how."

It… was not what I expected.

The raw Fade wasn't green or black or rocky. We were still dreaming, not physically walking the Fade, so it was more like a lot of pastel colours and blurred edges. Not as bright as in Origins, but close.

It also tried to take the shape I've expected and walking through that made me dizzy and nauseous, like motion sickness. Solas suggested closing my eyes and took my hand to guide me. We were not far from Suledin Keep physically, but through the Fade, we had to take a different route.

I still felt dizzy, even with my eyes closed. Every step felt like it was over uncertain ground.

"We're here," Solas said when we stopped walking.

As I opened my eyes, I found that we were at the foot of Suledin Keep. Not too far from the hidden entrance to the stairs that would lead down,  _ down, down _ to the place where you could get the Ardent Blossom. And right under the tower where Imshael kept his Garden.

Speak of the devil... or, in this case, the demon...

"Well, well, well," Imshael appeared out of thin air, perched on one of the rocks jutting out from the foundation. "I wouldn't have guessed I would get such eminent visitors!"

I tried to move, to speak, to warn Solas, but I was frozen in place. Imshael turned out to be much stronger than I expected. Should've known better. He was  _ ooooold _ . And he was one of the Forbidden Ones. We should've been more  _ careful _ .

I felt the panic rise in my unmoving body.

Solas moved in front of me, trying to shield me from the Demon. I couldn't even tell him it was already too late. I struggled to move, to shout, to do anything, but I couldn't even budge.

"Reveal your true self, demon," Solas commanded. Imshael tsked.

"Choice. Spirit. How many times do I have to clarify? I am  _ not _ a demon. I'm a  _ Choice Spirit _ !"

Solas tried to move, to gesture, to contradict the Demon, but he couldn't. I saw his shoulders stiffen and strain with the effort of trying to move, and then tense with the realization that we were facing a much stronger opponent than expected.

I had to do something. This was my dream too! This was the Fade. I was damned if I wouldn't have power over my own dreams in the  _ Fade _ . Robbed of the ability to speak?  _ Fuck that! _

"Maybe, if you weren't such a lousy Choice Spirit, people would remember not to mistake you for a 'mere demon'," I snarled through gritted teeth. Imshael's eyes immediately jerked to mine. He looked annoyed and offended that I could even form words.

"I'm really unimpressed with your cheap tricks," I continued, gathering steam. It became easier with each word. "We were expecting a better show, weren't we?" I turned to Solas who looked stricken by my words. "I mean, we can fight a demon awake at any time. We don't need to walk the Fade, just to meet one. We might as well just  _ wake up _ ," I put all my willpower into those last words, looking straight into Solas' wide eyes as he disappeared from the dreamscape.

" _ I'm a Choice Spirit! _ " Imshael cried out in fury. "You may have saved your companion, but you're mine!" He lurched towards me.

I grinned, feeling my limbs loosen as the Demon's anger ruined his concentration.

"I don’t think so," I said. "Ta-ta!" I waved my fingers in parting and  _ woke up _ .

***

I sat up in my bedroll with a start, gasping for breath.

Fuck, that was close. That was  _ fucking _ close! That was...  _ real _ . The Fade, Solas... Imshael.  _ Oh my God, that was... _

"Catherine!"

Solas burst into my tent, followed by a small mage light... and wearing nothing more than his long, loose tunic.

I looked him over, gaping, then burst out in hysterical laughter.

"Catherine, are you all right?" Solas knelt beside me while I tried to catch my breath, still laboured from panic mixing with the laughter. "Has the demon hurt you? Are you...  _ why are you laughing? _ "

" 'Cause you sleep without pants, only in your tunic, and this is the most hilarious way to find that out," I hiccuped between gasps of air.

"Wha-...How...?" Solas stared at me, stricken.

"Oh come on," I continued to giggle. "You don't have pants on!"

"I don't see how that means that I sleep only in my tunic," Solas tried to act affronted but the tips of his ears were turning red. It. Was.  _ Adorable! _

"Let's be real," I said, finally catching my breath. "If you slept in the nude, you would've grabbed some breeches. If you slept in pants, why would you take them off?" I grinned at his sullen silence. "Now, get in the bedroll, I feel cold just from looking at you."

He hesitated, but he noticed how I was still shaking and gave a small nod. He settled beside me stiffly on his back. It was hella awkward.

"I should go back to my tent," he said, starting to sit up after a few silent moments.

"Stay, please," I stopped him. "I don't think I can be alone right now."

He sighed shakily and nodded. "Me neither."

We lay side by side for another couple of minutes.

"Roll over," I said eventually, pushing at his shoulder. "I'll be the big spoon and we'll both be more comfortable."

"Catherine!" Solas said frowning.

"It'd be more awkward if you were the big spoon," I said in a challenging tone. He was forced to agree on that point, so he rolled over to lay on his right side and so did I, pulling him back as we created more space under the covers.

The bedrolls were basically like sleeping bags, sewn up at the bottom and one side completely, and on the other side, partially. They also weren't really meant for two people, so the snuggling helped.

Solas captured my left hand as we settled and pulled it over his heart. It was racing as much as my own. We were both pretty shaken by the encounter with Imshael.

I pushed my face against the back of his neck.

"It's different now that you are weakened, isn't it?" I whispered.

Solas stiffened for a moment, his hand tightening painfully around mine before relaxing again. After way too long, he gave the tiniest nod.

"It is."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "It must be difficult, keeping so many secrets. You should tell Ellana... I mean, I think you can trust her, and it's not good to keep all of it inside." I was starting to ramble, but Solas was still holding my hand to his chest and I could still feel his speeding heartbeat.

And this time was as good as any to talk about the hard things. Neither of us was getting any more sleep tonight.

"I remember the story of the Slow Arrow," I said before trailing off. I liked that story very much, but it reminded me now that Felassan was real. That Solas was  _ really _ real. That Fen'Harel had been a real person, who was holding onto my hand so tightly now that it was going a bit numb.

"I... Tell me one thing..." I said hesitantly. "Did you kill Felassan?"

Solas went so still I was sure he wouldn't answer. I was steeling myself for him just getting up and going back to his tent and leaving me alone after all.

After what felt like a small eternity, he answered so quietly, it was barely more than a breath.

"...yes."

I sucked in a breath and tightened my grip on his hand.

"I'm so, so sorry," I whispered and leaned my forehead against his nape.

We remained like that, silently clinging to each other and finding the only comfort in a mutual understanding of living with hard choices.

  
  



End file.
